What am I to do?

Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to be unenlightened and still holed up in samsara? Every passing second is so agonizing!

To be in such a situation, yet unable to renounce worldly activities like Prince Siddharta and other Sangha since then, adds to the agony.

I think it is not just about becoming a monk, i.e. leaving the home life; it is more than that.

What am I to do?

I am so far away from realising my potential. That's because I hardly meditate consistently. That's the problem with most of us. We have time for everything in life except meditation. We can pray, we can chant, we can recite Sutras, etc etc etc... but those activities are only preparatory activities. Yes, those are necessary activities but the mind is only properly developed with Samatha and Vipasyana meditations. Without doing any meditation, our mind will not move closer to achieving enlightenment. It is the core activity that we must do, and other activities prepare and support it. It's like buying all the raw food and cooking utensils, and other ingredients, but we stop at that. We donot start cooking.

However, at least I am laying my foundations and if I were to start doing my meditations properly one day, hopefully... may the lotus flower bloom!

But meantime, it is so agonising!