Saturday, May 21, 2016


Today is the day we commemorate the birth, Enlightenment and Maha Parinirvana of the Buddha. I am resuming writing here after a long absence, in order to express my deepest and sincerest gratitude to the Buddha for showing me MERCY and COMPASSION...for giving me hope when all is almost lost...You see, I have been focusing on myself lately. Busy with some personal issues. When all is dark around me, and sinking into more darkness, ...suddenly there is light. THANK YOU, BUDDHAS AND SAGES for answering my prayers! I tried so hard - completed a million Migtsema, 100,000 Taras, completed my prostration ngondros, asked quite a number of Rinpoches to bless me, requested for a tea offering for my sake, committed to a number of actions IF my prayers were answered, etc etc etc. Sometimes I felt like I was praying to a wall.... blank, dull, uninterested in what I was saying.

It might seem to others that I am praying for some worldly thing and that the reason I am emotional, shows the kind of spiritual weakling that I am. People may have that kind of judgment about me. But you can judge or have whatever opinion you want. I don't care what you think of me. You are not me having this roller coaster ride - going through tremendous stress, sadness, desperation, anger, hopelessness, depress, whatever else.....! If it wasn't for my Zen practice, I might have gone crazy.

I pushed myself to work hard to get this thing that I want - and "this thing" is not really worldly at all, although it appears to be. One thing is clear. "This thing" opened up only after I did the Dorje Khadro puja. It made me realise that this had better be my aim, otherwise I will regret it for the rest of my life. It's because I also realise I am not getting any younger. I should not be chasing for money anymore. Certainly not any wealth, fame, positions, etc. It is time for me to renounce the world. Yes, in a way. That is how important "that thing" was to me. I really must get it. And I used all my spiritual and worldly resources to get it.

Now it is not so much of a roller coaster anymore. But still working on towards my "thing". Now, I am grateful. Really grateful. With that, I want to wish all who respects the Buddha - A VERY HAPPY WESAK! Namo Amitabha!

Thank you, Sakyamuni Buddha!
Thank you - Dorje Khadro!
Thank you - Shirdi Sai Baba!
Thank you - Lotus Assembly!
Thank you - Dzambala - for coming to my dream after I invoked you!
Thank you Gurus and Masters - for not giving up on me!
Thank you to my Vajra Protector... you work so hard!

Thank you!