Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Yes, I got it...!!!

I had been praying for a better job since last year, and I finally got it. I think so but I have not got the letter yet. Still, I got it verbally. Now waiting for the letter. Between last year and now, many months of headache and prayers and practices, and "divine consultations" had happened. Some Sangha members and a friend whom I have sought help had sometimes disappointed me by remaining silent or unable to help. But I guess all the headache and torture will come to an end soon. I must always remind myself that as with all good things, they are never easy to obtain.

Just to hear an evening's teaching from Choden Rinpoche, at the same time not forsaking a friend in Singapore, that is leaving for Sweden on a 3 year duty, I was willing to tire myself and go down to Singapore, reach there at night, and leave the next morning. But it was well worth the while even though when I reached back home, I develop sore muscles everywhere my neck and shoulders. That was probably due to carrying the thick book "Mind Training". Come to thing about it, compared with what Milarepa and Naropa went through to be even accepted by their gurus as students, they did so much more and bore so much more suffering than I could ever have. Mine was really nothing. So, good ideal jobs don't just fly down your lap.

But, if only I can jump up and shout... "YEAH! I GOT IT! I GOT IT!". But instead, it is a silent "Yeah, I got it". The pay is higher and the position a Senior Manager's position. The company is a public listed company. The job will not require "up to 70% travelling" as that of Goodyear's and other companies. It means more time to spent with my family. With their annual leave double my existing total, maybe I can take longer time to India this year. But even though my existing company's annual leave is short, they usually time it so that during festive days such as CNY or Raya or Christmas time, there will be long shutdowns. It means I get to go for long breaks without having to take leave. Now there is no such long "shutdowns" and if I need to take long breaks, I will have to apply annual leave. But I suppose it's okay. I cannot stay on my existing company any longer. No increment, no bonus... with the high inflation and ever higher cost of food, petrol, ...everything seems to keep on increasing... with this scenario, my pay is actually shrinking. The pork rice used to be RM2.50, now it's RM3.00. A WHOPPING 20% increase!!

It was really great to get a job in a constrction and property company that is not too big like Guocoland and not an unknown, untransparent company like KTB. And furthermore, if I accept this job, it will be a fulfilment of a prediction made by my uncle. But I will nto tell what the prediction is. So, even though Guocland "snubbed" me, it turned out that it is me who was lucky to avoid such a company. I am thankful to my guru for this blessings. Hopefully it will also bring me more wealth. With slightly more wealth, I can give my family a better life, and not to forget, I can contribute more to my guru's projects. And I can save more for my future retreats in India, Nepal, Tibet or wherever. Retreats and other practice related activities doesnot come cheap nowadays. And in the coming years, I think it will only go up. Even monks and nuns themselves have to have some money in order to survive nowadays.

I need more time now to do my practices and finish up my preliminaries, before my bones hardens and unable to do prostrations. I also intent to go to Tibet and all the holy way places in China and India before I am old and unable to stand the weather/high altitude.

So, I am happy that the guru has blessed me yet another time even though I had rejected the Singapore job. I have been blessed with several jobs actually. Each one I turned down. Why? Am I too picky? Yes, actually I am. I have to, because at my age I need to find the ideal job to accomplish all my aims before death robs me of my precious human rebirth. So, why am I not shouting for joy?

It's complicated. I have been living here in my hometown since I was born, never left it except for those years in uni. To relocate to another place is a tremendous emotional task for me. Moreoever, my thoughts are also with my loved ones. My relocation must benefit them too, otherwise I will not accept the new job. There's a whole lot of complicated issues involved here, but too long to mention here. Somehow I think my "destiny" is to relocate, but yet... So, I can only say softly - "Yeah! I got the job!". Nevertheless, I am satisfied. I could not ask for more. Guru-Buddha is already taking care of me very much. I have much to be thankful for. "Let go of hopes and fears" as Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche said last Sunday. Yes, let go, let go...

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